My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
