He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
