my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
