Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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