Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
