I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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