What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
