I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
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I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
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I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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