i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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