remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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