just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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