do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
