Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
