he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
