i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
