I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
