Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
