She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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