In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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