I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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