fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I need to sanitize my soul.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
