DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I want a musical about memes.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
