this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
