It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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