i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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