Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
