Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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