He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
