So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
