She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
