so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
