I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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