i was rollin on her like bob the builder
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
