love makes seman taste better
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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