Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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