Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
