It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
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Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize