Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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