please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
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