watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
