Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
