If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
