Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
