Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize