no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
