I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
