I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
