I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
