GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
