i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
