Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
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