I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
