I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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