first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
