Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
