I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
