Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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