I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
