1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
