it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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