I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
