toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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