Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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