Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
